"YOUR LOOKS ARE FADING"
Alcohol is a double edged sword. The truth comes out and you have to forgive the person speaking under the influence of it. They say someone speaks the truth when they're drunk. I'm not going to lie, I'm drunk a lot. However, I'm 100% Irish, people don't even know I'm drunk (until I try to walk.) There's an Irish gene that absorbs a lot of the alcohol. Maybe it is potato based?
It can make you feel so good and the other person "not so good." AND NOW I RANT. Shit, where's the potato when you need it?
I went to the wedding of my bestfriend, since I was 15 years old. My famiy is nuts. His family is not. They adopted me. They didn't legally adopt me. However, I was a lot sad with my current family situation (the one I was born into) and this family took me in. Much like I take in stray dogs.
I knew the Grandpa's and Grandma's. I knew the siblings. I LOVED THEM. To this day, they are my blood.
This was the Beaver Cleaver Family. Mom was always making sure everyone was happy. Dad knew everything about everything.
I was popular. Joe was not. A number "Joe" was left on my floor (I called it. We talked for 3 hours.) During the entire call I said "YOU ARE AMAZING"! Joe just needed some self confidence. Lucky for him, I recognize greatness in people. He was greatness. I also had an abundance of self confidence (what you realize early on is that no one is going to champion you, if you don't champion you. You get good at it.) Joe is smart and sweet and really, really talented. He's a genius and just had a poor outlook on himself where everyone else saw a really good looking gem. Your childhood can determine your self-esteem and because he was a heavy kid, he always saw himself as "the fat kid." After years of teasing he wasn't willing to "put himself out there" (and who could blame him?) I would get him out of his town, bring him to my high school functions and all the girls would say "WHO IS THAT YOU'RE WITH?" Not one was thinking teasing thoughts. My guess is dirty ones...
My boyfriend was in college and "above" high school events. I proudly brought Joe as a stand-in to all of them.
He became my bestfriend.
Joe and I married the same year. He moved out to California. But we never saw each other much. His wife hated me. Although Joe and I never had a sexual realtionship. She wasn't OK with the fact that we had ANY relationship. Joe and I realized we were both in wrong relationships and divorced the same year as each other.
Joe contacted me through facebook and we tried to schedule a meet up. You all know my schedule is hectic. He wrote "Please come to my wedding September 29th. My parents would love to see you. I went. It was gorgeous. I'm so proud of Joe.
This isn't a post bashing Joe's Dad. He was my "dad" through a lot of my life and I love him. It's a post on how time goes on and the tables turn. The pretty, popular girl can do a lot. Unfortunately, I can't stop time.
It was towards the end of the night and Joe's dad had a few. As we all do. And I know he didn't mean this to be mean. He was just saying what was on his mind. He cares about me and I'm sure it came out wrong. He looked at me and said "Megan you need to find stability, you need to find someone that wants to be with you. You need to do it soon, because you're not young anymore and you're going to lose your looks." That's a fatherly advice thing to say. I know this and I respect him but I'm not going to lie. It sucked.
I replied "I know, I'm just working on a lot of projects right now and I'm busy. But I will..."
He just looked at me, shook his head and said "but you don't have a lot of time left."
I then called a cab. The irony of being at my friend's wedding who had all sorts of self esteem issues as a kid, yet flourished into an amazing male adult wasn't lost on me. I had so much self esteem as a kid, yet as a single 36 year old woman, where did it go? Why (I know he said it with the best intentions) was I reduced to feeling like there was a ticker on my attractiveness and self worth?
Because men get distinguished, women get old.
It sent me into a bit of a panic on the cab ride home. I asked the cab driver if he was "single." I don't want to date the cab driver that can't speak English. I am Meg. I am great. I do not need anyone. I am scared shitless that I have a few "years left of sexiness."
I keep hearing that song "there is a season, turn turn turn." In my head. It's true. I'm not the "hot young thang" anymore. I retired my bikini two years ago (and I can still wear one thank you very much!) It just seemed desperate.
I still am fighting "looking my age" but gradually accepting the age I am. I'm 36. I'm not "old" but I live in L.A. 36 is not "hot" here.
Jesus, 26 is not "hot" here.
I guess the best thing to do is keep on keepin' on. Keep the eye on the prize, realizing that the "prize" is not a man but me. Tonight I will wash the hair color off of my greys. Apply my nightime moisturizer and ready myself for a week of NYC meetings tomorrow. I get on the plane at 2pm.
Funny, but for someone that works in "beauty" I never put a lot of stock in the outwards of it. Just like I told Joe "YOU ARE AMAZING." I need to remember that for myself. You need to remember it too. Because you are. No matter what age you are. Here we are at his wedding.
From within bottles, jars, compacts and tubes.*